I'VE BEEN SERVED

My Daily Journal in Federal Prison

Day 2

I’ve never promised that each update would be riveting, and I suppose that time spent in “the Hole” will provide for even less scintillating stories than in the general population.  Nonetheless, here’s a rundown of what I did today:  1) I no longer saw any value in sleeping on the top bunk — it required too much time and effort getting up and down, it was only a few feet from the blinding fluorescent lights, directly next to a cooling vent, and the mattress seemed unusually stiff (and I like a firm bed).

So, I dragged the mattress off of the top bunk…laid it on top of the mattress on the bottom bunk (pretty smart, huh?) and set up shop down below.  Not exactly a Craftmatic adjustable bed…but still more comfortable.

What else did I do today…ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  Oh yeah, and I received my first card today, pretty impressive since I know that it was mailed only 1 or 2 days ago.  It brought me instant joy.

And for those who know me personally, you may find this story especially amusing.  I am, by nature, a very curious cat — and after thoroughly exhausting an inspection of my own friendly confines — I had yet to determine the function of the plain, non-labeled silver button on the side of one wall.  I speculated that it could only be one of three things:  1) something that is old and no longer functional; 2) some sort of distress signal; or 3) a lightswitch — and the key to a better night’s sleep.  I delicately pressed the button until it was only slightly recessed.  (Keep in mind…no one had ever told me not to press this…or, for that matter, explained to me its purpose.)  The lights remained on, no sirens wailed, and my cage remained undisturbed.  Unimpressed, I rolled back into my lower bunk, pulled the covers over my head, and turned toward the wall.

No less than 2 minutes later, I head the jangling key of an approaching officer and a pounding on my door that nearly threw me out of my bed.  As I stood up, he was shouting at me, “WHY DID YOU PRESS THAT BUTTON??  WHY DID YOU PRESS THAT BUTTON??”  I just shrugged like I got the canary…and replied, “I didn’t know what it was for.”  And now I do.

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