My Daily Journal in Federal Prison

Day 24

You know what I hate most about this place?  All of the unsolicited advice that a lot of the knuckleheads feel obligated to dispense.  And you know what they say about opinions and assholes…

Most people who know me, personally, would probably say that I’m rather social.  With that being said, I’m also viewing this opportunity as a special chance to make the most out of an undesirable situation.  Before I “went away,” I had joked to my friends about “going on sabbatical.”  But honestly, that’s how I view it.  Think, for one moment, about your daily lives — how many activities do you often dream about and wish that you had more time to pursue?  For me, I’ve let so many talents and desires go to waste over the years and I have no one or thing to blame but myself.  Many will say that they simply don’t have enough time for certain hobbies or leisure activities, and while that may be true to a certain extent, I also truly believe that one can make time for those activities that are truly important.

For me?  I’ve been looking at this experience to reflect and to get to know myself better (which, personally, is nearly impossible when I’m surrounded by social distractions); to write all of the books, short stories, and poetry that I have in me; to read like it’s nobody’s business (because we all know that to become a good writer one must be a great reader); and to get mentally and physically in the best shape of my life.  I was also thrilled, recently, to discover that the Rec Room has left-handed guitars to loan and I intend on picking up where I left off over 5 years ago.

Do you notice the common denominator in the aforementioned activities?  I would say that most of these, if not all, are solitary tasks…and I’m good with that.  I don’t need to make life-long friends here nor do I need companionship to get through my time here with individuals with which I share nothing in common;  that is what my friends and loved ones are for.  At the same time, I am always genuine and friendly to those around me, but I refuse to cave in to the caveman-like mentality here and alter the way I act or talk.  There are far too many boys here and not enough men, and that has nothing to do with age.

My point?  Back to the unsolicited advice.  This one dude here, in particular, as well as a few others to a lesser degree, has made it his mission to discover why “I don’t say much” or “why I keep to myself” all the time, which is kind of funny because I think that certain segments of this inmate population talk WAY too much, too loudly, and do not take advantage of a lot of the programs here to benefit themselves so that they are adequately prepared for society upon release.  Instead of DOING their time, they are merely BIDING their time until they get out, to which they will likely return to their same unfortunate habits and, ultimately, return back here (or to somewhere even worse).

This all came to a head last night when I was up in my bunk, reading a book, minding my own business, and trying to concentrate with the cacophony of nonsense all around me.  This dude, that I mentioned before, is in the cubicle next to mine, chatting with my neighbors, and finally he turns his attention to me, giving me the third degree:  “There he is up there reading his book again”…and “you going to have to get down off of that bunk and start making some friends.  You can’t do your time like this.”  To which, I replied, “I can do my time however the hell I want.  Am I telling you how you should do your time?”  Thankfully, he shut his trap and mosied on out of there.  My good neighbor S.D. (aka “Shake Down”) gave me a healthy fist bump and said that we was proud of me for saying what I said.  I’ve quickly learned that you can’t let people walk all over you in a place like this and you can do this without getting into any physical altercations.

p.s. — Tonight we had chili dogs and tater tots for dinner.  NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM, NOM.


1 Comment»

  Brian Kadlec wrote @

Does thing work?


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